When we found out I was pregnant with our second baby, my husband and I were thrilled. We’d always wanted our first child to have a sibling and we were excited to give him a buddy so close in age. But as the initial enthusiasm died down and the reality of the pregnancy set in, I began to worry about transitioning to a mom of two. Even though I have lots of experience with children not only as a mom but also as a family and lifestyle photographer in DFW, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how scared I was. 

How was I going to handle two babies when I frequently felt overwhelmed with just one child? Would my firstborn feel replaced or unloved because our attention would shift from him to his sibling? Would he be a good big brother? And what if I couldn’t love the new baby the same way I loved my first? On top of all this, I felt guilty for feeling scared–why couldn’t I just be excited, like I had been with my first pregnancy? 

But learning I’m not alone in these feelings has helped me let go of guilt. I’ve discovered that many moms experience similar fears as they await their second babies. Talking about it with my husband, family, and close friends helped me find ways to cope. And welcoming our baby and seeing how he fits so perfectly into our family has soothed many of my fears. It hasn’t all been easy, but we’re discovering how to embrace a life as a family of four. 

Here are a few of my tips for transitioning to two children. 

1. Find Your Village! 

Whether it’s having help with meals or cleaning or childcare, support is essential no matter the number of children. For example, we’re so fortunate to have grandparents close by who are so willing to help! My parents frequently take one child for a weekend and the other child the next weekend so we can have one-on-one time with each baby. Not only is this a really helpful break for us as parents, but it also gives us special time with each child. In the months postpartum, this has given me the chance to bond more intimately with the newborn. It’s also helped our toddler with the transition, because he’s still able to receive individual attention from mom and dad. 

If you don’t have family close by, try trading a morning or an afternoon with your spouse or partner, or even another mom friend, to give each kiddo some individual attention or to give yourself a little break!

2. Soak in the cuteness / find gratitude 

Yes, juggling the needs of two babies is exhausting, and yes, they don’t always get along perfectly. But the moments when big brother leans over to give “his” baby a kiss, or gets on the ground to practice “tummy time” alongside his little brother, or sings to him in the car–these moments really do make it worth it. Sometimes, at the end of a rough day, I find meditating on these little moments of shared love (and staring at photos of them if you were able to capture them) is a wonderful way to practice gratitude and discover peace, even in the chaos. 

3. Be gentle on yourself 

With my first baby, I wrote down all his milestones in his baby book and even printed photos. I also avidly cataloged each month with a precious blanket photo. With my second baby, I’m just too busy to do the same, but I’m learning to accept that’s okay. I love my second just as fiercely as I love my first, even if their baby books don’t match or big brother is in most of little brother’s photos. Reminding myself that I’m a good mom, that what I’m doing is enough, has helped make this transition easier. 

If you’re a new mom of two, what are some things that have helped make this transition easier for you? Let me know in the comments!

Ana Dufreche is a luxury, lifestyle photographer servicing the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. She specializes in motherhood, family, and newborn photography. Her sessions take place outdoors, in-home, and at her studio. The ADP studio is located in Downtown Dallas!